Tantrums, an attempt to communicate
A two year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it! -Jerry Seinfeld –
When our children are having tantrums, it is their attempt to communicate the best way that they know how. In a world of overstimulation, loud noises, shopping centres, loud entertainment systems, appointments here there & everywhere, it’s no wonder our children aren’t on their ‘best’ behaviour at all times. I know that I’m certainly not, so how can I expect them to be!
When I’m upset & emotional, trying my best to communicate through it all, the last thing that I would expect or want is for my husband to ‘ignore me’ or to ‘smack me’. Or to ‘put me in a time out corner’ why then do we treat our little humans this way? ‘Time outs may seem like a good solution, but by removing the child from the rest of the family can give an unintended, harmful message of conditional love.
We love you when you behave, but if you misbehave you are no longer welcome to be with the family – Jan Hunt –
Instead of ‘time outs’ we call them ‘time ins’. Our children do need space to calm down but we do it with them. We made a jar of calm down fairies, by using water, food colouring & glitter glue. They then shake it up & watch the glitter fall to the bottom of the jar (for boys you could use feathers to blow on or soft dinosaur toys to line up). The concept is that you are creating a quiet space to calm down (always go to the same space). You are with them & showing them that you are empathising with them as well as supporting them.
You are giving them appropriate tools to help them calm themselves, empowering them to take control of their own huge emotions! I usually put the timer on for the child’s age & once it rings we hug & talk about why we were using our ‘time in’ space. Our family motto is ‘Treat others as you wish to be treated’ a beautiful, simple motto to keep in mind.
– Nikki –
I’m beyond excited to be able to tell you that the lovely Nikki from Earthway Parenting, will be contributing monthly to Baby Berry Collective. She’s going to be giving us an insight into all things parentings – from tantrums to conscious & intuitive parenting and everything in between.
Nikki Smith is a Registered Nurse and Oncology Nurse since 2008. She was inspired to complete a Post Graduate Diploma in Child & Family Nursing after delivering her second daughter in 2015. Earthway Parenting was born out of an intuitive feeling that there was not enough kinship in regards to conscious, intuitive parenting. Nikki Smith is a mama of three beautiful daughters, a wife to a gentle man, a dreamer, a life learner and an ever evolving intuitive & conscious parent. You can read more about Nikki’s story here.
Earthway Parenting provides a safe place for parents to share and honour each others journey’s. It is a space to come together and embrace the winds of change, to nourish each other’s soul with education as well as impart wisdom. It is about discovering and enabling conscious and intuitive parenting.
Nikki will start writing for us next month, but today I wanted to share with you a small piece that Nikki wrote about children and tantrums.
Photo credit (top) – Tara Samuelson Photography