Chrissie from Chaos To Calm Consultancy is chatting with us today about how important parenting with a united and consistent approach is. Let’s find out more…
The importance of being Consistent, Calm and Connected
There’s no doubt about it one of the biggest challenges we face as parents is creating a united and consistent front when it comes to managing our children’s behaviour.
Many couples have been raised as children by their own parents in unique ways, and this ultimately has a profound impact on the way that they end up parenting their own children.
Some couples were raised by a very authoritarian father who was the disciplinarian in the family, whilst others have been raised by very soft and nurturing dads. Maybe they were raised by a mother who had a tendency to yell a lot to get the kids to listen to her.
Whatever the situation you were raised in this is what was ‘role modelled’ to you as ‘parenting’ – the positive and negative traits that we saw, felt and lived in our own families as children.
When couples fall in love prior to having kids, none of this actually really matters too much as life is so much more logistically easier before kids come along as you only really have to consider the thoughts and feelings of one other human being.
We have long and romantic conversations about how many beautiful children we are going to bring into the world, without ever fully knowing the incredible journey we will face and the challenges that lay ahead.
But fast track down the road a couple of years and throw a couple of kids into the mix, some challenging toddler behaviour, sleepless nights and emotional exhaustion, the cracks can really start to show if adults cannot agree on how best to manage the issues they are facing with their children.
“Creating a united and consistent approach to managing children is vital for success in families”
Coming to an agreement or a place where you can decide on how best to respond to certain behaviours your child is showing is incredibly important.
Putting aside your own personal beliefs and being willing to be open to learning and understanding about new ways to respond to children can only be positive for the whole family, but due to our own childhoods this can be easier said than done.
We also have different thresholds and tolerances for our kids’ behaviours and this can also be the cause of many disagreements. And just because our parents did it a certain way does not always mean that is how our kids will respond best.
Our children are incredibly smart and they pick up very quickly on any sort of inconsistency in the way we manage their behaviour.
This ultimately leads to more negativity and so often they learn that if their parents aren’t on the same page, then there is more likely the chance that they will get what they want thorough an increase in challenging behaviour.
So it’s our job to show a united front in the heat of the moment – some days this is harder than others – but so important for our kids to see us operating as a supportive team.
Some things to remember……
- Try not to challenge the other parent when they are managing a situation with the children. Talk to them about it later once the kids are tucked up in bed over a glass of wine.
- The way that we approach our partner’s different way of dealing with behaviour is also incredibly important. When we are working together as a good team, advice or suggestions should never be taken as a criticism, rather a different perspective.
- It is not my way or your way – it’s OUR way and together we need to respond to our children in ways that helps them to learn, grow, develop and evolve into wonderful human beings.
- Back each other up in front of the kids. It’s really positive for them to see, hear and feel you working together.
- Check in with each other if you are uncertain about how to manage a situation. Kids are complicated and their behaviours ebb and flow. Keep communication open and remember that it’s ok to not have the answers to every challenge our kids may present with.
- There should be an equal amount of fun and discipline coming from the adults in the family.
- There’s no doubt about it…raising human beings is the most challenging job on the planet. There’s no training manual attached to them at birth, and there are most certainly going to be days when we make mistakes and get it wrong. But you know what? Kids don’t need perfectionism.
- What they do need though is parents who love, respect, and value each other and their children. And most importantly an emotional connection that is unwavering, because we love our kids, but we don’t have to love every part of their behaviour.
Chaos To Calm Consultancy
Chaos To Calm Consultancy delivers workshops, private consultations, online resources and personalised consulting to parents and families who want to create emotionally healthy and happy lives! Chrissie takes the vulnerability, shame, guilt and doubt out of parenting. Rather turning it into a most powerful tool which can be used by parents throughout the different behavioural changes for a child.
Chrissie has over 15 years experience working with challenging children and their families. She is passionate about empowering parents to be able to make positive decisions in regards to their emotional health, relationships within the family unit and their child’s behaviour.
Through compassionate support, parents are encouraged and guided to identify, and then embrace the necessary changes needed to create a harmonious household for all members of the family.
Check out the various workshops available here.
NEXT: 24th November – See the child, not the behaviour. See here.
Email Chrissie directly firstname.lastname@example.org
Phone : 0432 382 240
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